Elena and Larry: Bingo, Bango, Bongo

Larry was on IU's campus for a couple of days. Got lonely and missed French Lick and West Baden. Left town without saying a word to anyone

Elena drove to Storrs, looked around for a few days. Got homesick. Went back to Delaware and home

--------------

Larry would have been coached by Bobby Knight, the best in the country

Elena would have had Geno, the best coach in women's basketball

--------------

Larry's sophomore year, his first at Indiana State, was his best scoring season. Elena's first year at Delaware was her best season, numbers wise

Larry's junior year he was on the cover of SI. Elena's junior year, this year, she got a great big writeup in SI

--------------

If Delaware gets past the first weekend and makes the Sweet Sixteen, it would be a huge story in the week prior to the third round games. There is poetry happening on Delaware's campus right now. How much more remains to be seen

--------------

Larry's senior year: Nicks came in from some jc and meshed well with the considerable talent on hand. Indiana State went undefeated, including a miracle win in New Mexico over NM State caused by a Bob Heaton prayer

Will Coach Tina get any players to transfer in this summer for Delaware? Because if she gets a second scorer, Delaware can not only do damage next season in the NCAAs

They can win the whole fucking thing

--------------

Both Elena Della Donna and Larry Bird dealt with family tragedies at a very young age. Elena's older sister was born severely brain damaged

Larry's Dad blew his brains out with a shotgun while the man, drunk and angry at the world, was on the phone with Larry's Mom, who pleaded with Joe to put the gun down. Mrs. Bird heard it all

--------------

Larry's senior year at State, the Sycamores grew into the most beloved mid major in the history of basketball

Elena's team is already my favorite, hands down

How far they go this year is up to them and their fans

UConn vs Duke in Women's Hoops

Stokes may be the key for UConn's season. She has made great strides this year

------------------

Bria stays on top of her j so well. Perfect form

------------------

Elisabeth Williams is a real talent who plays hard. Joanie will need to coach her up pretty good the next three and a half years to get the best out of that girl

------------------

Geno, Kris, and Shea are Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Sister Bear

------------------

Chelsea Gray - last night was my first look at her

she reminds me of a Kidd, of a Lieberman

the best point guard in women's hoops since Coach Mulkey? probably

--------------

Miss Maine has all sophs and freshmen in the lineup, and UConn showed them up. That is probably the best thing that could have happened to a team with more talent than the Huskies. Duke reminds me of that Maryland team that won it all six years back. The Terps also had a great young point guard and talent to burn. They put it together and won 6. Duke can, too

--------------

My mid-season AA Team

5 Brittney
4 Elena
3 Kelly Faris
2 Bria
1 Chelsea

That's not the girls with the best numbers but the best team I can put on the floor to win the game, any game

HOF

We know Brady and the coach are going to Canton

Is Matt Light?

And if/when he is inducted, who will give his induction speech?

I nominate Koppen, because those BC guys know how to sling it

Your Body Is A Wonderland. Some More Than Others.

Good body. Really nice and good:

Rafa and Novak

Sarunas

Barry Bonds

Andre post Steffi

Manny

Louganis

Danny Ainge

Jay Wright

John and Jim Harbaugh

Billy The Kid


Bad body. Keep it under wraps. Many wraps:

Goose

Shaq (compare LSU vs Cleveland)

Troy Palumalu (sp?)

Youk and Pedrioia

Schiling

Andre pre Steffi

Papi

Larry and Kevin

Bruce Kimball (your face is part of your body, dude. what can I say? I'm ZitMan)



The sole judge?

Moi

When your body is this bad your learn to appreciate beauty in others

Magic! (I Always Thought That Was A Stupid Theft Of A Name)

New Orleans (now 4-15) beat Orlando (now 12-7) last night, 93-67. Wow


the Magic were outscored in each quarter (by 4, 9, 4, and 9)


my least favorite player, Bucket Head Howard, played 39 m, and took 19 shots, missed 7 free throws, had 16 rebounds, 1 block, 4 tos, and committed 3 fouls


Other nicknames I have for Dwight:
A Cop's Kid's Story: Low IQ Is Right, Mutherfucker!
Not Bill Russell
He Should Have Gone To Duke For A Year (Yeah)
Josh Smith: Want His Autograph? Ancillary Income For D-How
Superwoman!
The Tattoo Artist II
Trade Me Or I'll Keep Playing! (Jackson: Oh, God III)


D-How, my advice to you? Learn from Shaq


the Magic shot 39% from the field, 62% from line, got outrebounded 32 to 43, and had 22 turnovers to NOs 12


the Magic's last 4 games
Last night: beat by Magic 93-67
1/26 lost to Cs 91-83
1/24 beat Pacers 102-83
1/23 lost to Cs 87-56



Magic roster:

Starters

Hedo – old and selfish (I’ve always seen him as selfish)
Glen Davis – a follower, not a leader
Dwight - ?????
J-Rich - old
Jameer - old

Bench

Larry Hughes – really old
Q – really old
Duhon - old
JJ Redick - old
Von Wafer - old
Earl Clark – kid who can’t play
Justin Harper - kid
Daniel Orton - kid


To dog it up like Orlando has done the last week means there is dysfunction in the locker room. That's not always a bad thing. This team is still really talented. They will still make the playoffs as a decent seed, and can still compete for a title. They're that good. But man, Dwight, you ain't no kid no more, man. Grow up.

You Can Bench How Much? BFD

Basketball is the most athletic sport

The two greatest basketball players are MJ and Bill Russell, neither of whom could lift much (I wonder if Russ ever did)

The NBA this season is forcing teams to sometimes play as many as four nights in a row

For decades, folks have lifted one body part one day a week, then rested that body part until the next time it came up in the rotation

Cavemen didn't bench one day then squat the next. Mutherfucker, when a tiger came after you, you fucking ran. Squat this, dude. You ran, using every muscle in your body

The future of lifting is full body workouts three times a week or so. If your team needs your quads four nights a week, you better be damn ready to use them four nights a week

Does this mean the days of measuring offensive linemen by how much they can bench (useless exercise and always has been) and squat are over? Yes, thankfully

Full body workouts, with an emphasis on different sides of the body rather than muscle groups, with workouts varied to keep the body from getting used to anything, and everything made fun, are the future of fitness

Aussie Open Finals

Maria vs some chick I don't know

You think I'm not rooting for Sasha's gal? You don't know Joe

How long since Maria won a major? 2008, when she was just a kid

She loves pressure and there will be pressure, self imposed. the only kind there is

Maria will still be rich if/when she loses, but will she be wealthier?


and


Rafa and Novak

could be one of the great finals. could be. who knows?

Novak: weight training is important for tennis too, man. train for your sport, meaning 5.5 hour sessions. light weights, NO benching, plenty of core work with dumbbells and cables

I'm pulling for my man

Thanks, Drew

My roommate and I get tickets from his Dad, the fingerless man. I drive down to Foxboro (ha ha). We arrive at stadium, my bud gets lost. Finds his seat next to me. Man, we're a long ways away, but it's a beautiful day for football.

Vikes go up 20-0. Shit. 3-7?

Field goal by the little dude with the ballet slipper makes it 20-3. Halftime.

They can do this, you know.

Pats come out second half, not much accomplished but, man, Drew is slingin' it. Mostly short and medium stuff. A bunch of drives go nowhere, but there is a buzz in the crowd.

Pats score. Pats score again.

Pats tie game up. You think you've heard loud? Man, this place was loud.

OT. Drew is matriculating the ball down the field.

Kevin Turner is open in the end zone. Ball goes right over his fucking head, man. Right over his head. He catches it, gets wicked excited. We all do. Hey Kevin: We're 4-6! And I gotta feeling!

Next week vs Chargers. That big QB, who looked like a bouncer. My bud and I about 6 rows back from bench. There's Mosi! The Pats basically abuse those poor boys from San Diego. It's no contest. A big party at Foxboro. Hey Kevin: We're 5-6! And on a roll...

Pats win the rest, go to first Parcells playoffs and beat BBs Browns 900-0 in the first round. Get Davis' Raiders in the second. Bobby Grier goes toe to toe, sorry gut to gut, with Al Davis during third quarter. Wins in 4th round TKO. (so THAT'S WHY!). Pats win on late roughing the passer penalty on Howie (what?), beat the Bills (America rejoices!) in the AFL Title Game. We go to Super Bowl and kick the living shit out of Massage Boy and the Hack.

Isn't that what happened?

(Remember, I'm nuts. Or was.)

This Just In: "Larry Does Eat Shit"

Before the game tonight, Larry is going to address a crowd of dozens in front of Menino Hall. He is expected to address Moses shit eating ability. I won't be there.

Possible Talking Points:

My broken finger made me a better shooter

Indiana State had as much talent as Magic's Spartans, almost

How I Almost Died A Dozen Times For Y'all

Why Winning A Five Dollar Bet Is Better Than A Taco Bell Ad

Six ten. Six nine. Six nine. Six ten.

West Coast trips: Pure Ball (And Johnny's hookers)

My Foot Was On The Line, But Fuckit, I'm A Legend

Why Long Hair and Short Shorts Is Better 'N Short Hair and Long Shorts - In Prose

I Am Freeman Williams

I Hate Chinese Food, Mutherfucker!

From Camp Milbrook To The Hall Of Fame: I Never Took Shit

What Might Have Been: French Lick - America's Cleanest City

Benson Should Have Been My Butler

Quinn: What Might Have Been

The Low Point Of My Career: A Week In Milwaukee

I Should Be In The Hall Of Fame Twice, Like John Wooden

14 and 10

Those Shorts Really Did Cut Off Circulation To My Boys

I Think Russ Should Have Taken The Last Shot, Too

Rick Robey: Addition By Subtraction

That's Right: We Were Bad


Overheard At Menino Hall:

Who's that old guy next to Psycho-T?

Man, that's a REALLY black dude!

(More) About Last Night

from GI Joe

============

News On The March: 12/28/19 - Colts Longtime Owner Passes

Bob Irsay: 1959 - 2019

Robert Irsay was an incredibly smart and driven guy who led the Colts to a Super Bowl title behind Coach Tony Dungy and whose team had the best record in the NFL during the 2000s. But the bottle got the best of him, as it did his Dad. And Bob died of liver failure and congestive heart failure last night, the anniversary of the birth of the modern NFL. Frank Gifford was quoted as saying, "It's a sad day for football and for all of America. Some of my greatest memories were gathered on Memorial Stadium and Yankee Stadium grass. The Colts were and are a great franchise largely because of the Irsay family. I'll miss him terribly. Excuse me: Kathie, honey, please pass the ketchup."


----------------

and...

Ol Roy kin coach, can't he, boys?

Peyton: One word: J-E-T-S! J-E-T-S! Wait, that's two words. Fuck it, come get some!

Cry, Young Blood? You Better

J-Mac: One of my many heroes

That story shows that if you love the game, a game, any game
And keep that love in your heart
Through high school and the taunts from kids more scared than you are
Past college, first job, marraige and kids
Into your 40s and 50s and into old age
Great things can happen
To you and you and you
I know this to be true
Because I am living that kind of life
A little boy in a man's game
I got em running

What?

Posada retires

didn't he retire four fucking years ago? no? you sure?

big ears was a hell of a dh

and an ok catcher

the Yanks were bad

all those games, thousands and thousands

and Derek, Mo, and Jorge never took a night off

More Yeah More

Don't ice your knees. Apply heat. Ice prevents swelling. There's nothing in your knees to swell, only ligaments and tendons. Heat will keep them loose.

This one I'm not completely sure of: Don't ice a sprained ankle unless you gotta play the next game. Swelling is caused by blood flow to an injured area. Blood supplies the gunk that fixed the ouchie. If you prevent swelling you prevent the body's natural healing process, turning a minor sprained ankle into a season long problem.

The Devolution of Basketball

Before...

Kids played with their friends, out of the spotlight. Learned to pass to them and play together.

Now...

Kids play AAU and want to get noticed, making for bad fundamental basketball and selfishness


Tell me that's not true

V-Ball

Volleyball may be the sport we're all talking about in a couple of years

A great indoor sport, volleyball has scoring, defense, athleticism and strategy, a two hour window (good for tv), great outfits, and passionate, committed players whom we can see right up close

Not popular enough right now to make a pro league viable, I think volleyball is a great sport, one that we need to see and have more of. It can be played indoors or out, anywhere, by 2 or 20 people, by folks of all ages

Wilt liked it better than basketball. Wilt knew

(Oh yeah: We invented basketball, too)

My Thoughts On Coach Harbaugh's Decision Not To Kick The 51 Yarder

Flacco was the best player on the field. 4th and 6 is a lot to ask, but Flacco was really good yesterday. A 51 yarder is about a 50/50 proposition. Coach's thinking was, basically, we'll convert here about 60 or 70 percent of the time and go in and score a 6 and win it, or get closer to the goalposts and have an easier make for Cunniff. Harbaugh knows his team better than anyone. If he had doubts about Cunniff's ability to Vinatieri the 51 yarder he made the right call. Not everyone is Adam. Cunniff proved it a few minutes later, didn't he. There's a reason Adam Vinetieri is going to be the second kicker in the Hall of Fame. Dude was bad.

My heart broke for the Ravens and Cunniff after the miss. Any real competitor wants him to make that fucking kick, the ballgame to go to overtime, and Tom and the offense to ram the ball down their fucking throats. Horrible way to win a big game. I know I'll never forget it.

Lee Evans?

It took whitey 44 fucking years to get back at you, niggar. And we did, didn't we?

Fuck you and your glove, man. The white man rules this world. Go the fuck back to Africa where you came from

What?

Make Em Laugh

Or in CBS case, sound like they swallowed....their tongues. Guys like that have shit on guys like me their whole lives. Remember, America? Remember the mean, snotty QB running into you in the hallway? He was just as scared as you, only bigger and meaner. I'm here to tell you, there's a new sheriff in town. And he doesn't like mean. Gay, yes. Mean and arrogant, no. Watch the fuck out


Lines overheard tonight:


"I'd like to thank the people who made tonight necessary"

"The Ghost of Mark Henderson" - America's prison population celebrates their greatest victory

"We're all Billy Cundiffs tonight. Wait, Jim. Don't take my mic, bro"

"We're gonna retire a #404 jersey next year against the Giants, preseason. Just gotta find a XXXL"

"Why don't we get bloggers like that on our team?"

"Wide left"

"Eliminate the drugs and your decision making goes way up, America"

"Next"

And The Whiff

Me Likee

===========

No Romans and Christians here in America

More like Keystone Cops

Stay sane, Baltimore

===========

The Mental Edge...Or Not

If I was Cundiiff, I would have kicked it into Vince's ballsack

You think those guys aren't human, too?

I am Billy Cundiff tonight

Who isn't?

With A Knife

You feel that? That's the sound of your heart beating

You hear that? That's me and you yelling

You smell that? That's the smell of fear. Yup

4 teams going at it hard

4 coaches who deserve to move on

BB

Coach Coughlin used to be the youngest this and the youngest that. This might be his last season, Giants

John and Jim. Sorry, Jim and John. One an NFL stud, a guy who in college hated that fucking song as much as you and me, a guy one Hail Mary away. John? Scrub. Ham and egger. Dude couldn't play. He's a better coach than Jim. Why? Think about it, men

Only two teams are gonna move on to the next round, but it's pretty cool that we got these four left

Don't miss that kick, Kundiffe. Not like there's any East wind at Schaefer or nothing

Memo To Jacob Bell

The squat is dead. You ever get in that position on a football field? Farmer's walks, with heavy and medium dumbbells. That's where it's at.

Catchers? They don't need to get in that squat rack ever again. Farmers' walks and yoga.

Cradle of Coaches, man

===========

Explosive strength
Flexibity
Endurance
Staying injury free

These things are the key to fitness in the coming years, not being worried about poundages

Do you remember who set the bench record at the combine? Neither do I (Mammal? Mammogram? Some BC pussy, I think)

Funny Patsies Stories

You guys all heard about The Electrocution Execution, Toilet Gate at The $7 Million Dollar Stadium, Broke Billy Buys In, The Team Without A Coach, my man Darryl, how the NFL, Ben Dreith, and Al Fucking Davis screwed the best team in NE history out of a bunch of rings, The Howard Cosell Led 20 Year Boycott of NE, MVP (Get it?) Mark Henderson, 460-10, Don't Kick The Nigger The Fucking Ball!, and of course The Greatest Catch In Super Bowl History by future Hall of Famer...what's his name? What?

First things first, boys

Ray Rice

When you turn them over, score the fucking football

They can't stop us

We'll win most likely

It will feel good for a few hours

And the work is just beginning

My Preparation For Sunday 3pm to 7pm

1) Physically

Hydrate constantly in the days leading up. Pissing 20 times a day means your dick is doin' good, man

Lift light weights, go to about 80% of failure, and always always always change it up and use different poundages in either hand with the dumbbells

Sleep twice a day - long one at night and short one in afternoon

Humans are on a 24 hour cycle. I would advise the Pats to get adjust their mental peaks to 3-7pm. That means adjusting food and water intake, and napping at 10am instead of in the afternoon. Get your body ready for 3p Sunday and your body will thank you


2) Mentally

Study but don't obsess

Think about the worst thing that can happen Sunday and deal with it


3) Emotionally

You're playing for history. Plain and simple

11 bodies aimed at Rice. 22 feet running towards Rice. 22 heads watching Rice.

Rice, Monday morning, wishing he'd never been born a football player

The Colts of LA/Anaheim?

Book it

Just a matter of time

Why?

We all have eyes, don't we?

Truck Day Is Coming

February 8th, a Wednesday, is 2012 Truck Day for the Red Sox

Confident? Yes. And That's A Problem

Ravens Stats

Flacco: 20 tds, 12picks (a little below average in today's NFL), only 57% completion (too low), only sacked 31 times, which is a low total, so their line is good

Ray Rice – 4.7 per carry (outstanding), just 2 fumbles, poor game vs Texans (wearing down?)

Boldin – Ravens best receiver is banged up

Their main TE, Ed Dickson, has barely been used the last month
The backup TE Pitta may be their primary now


Last month of the season for the Browns

Playoffs first round W over Texans, 20-13: 1 TD in air,, 2 rushing, Yates for Texans had 3 picks and Texans 3 fumbles, which decided the game

24-16 win over Bengals on 1/1/12: Rice had 191 yards, Flacco only 130 yards in the air

20-14 win over Cleveland on Dec 24: Flacco had 132 yards, 2 tds, and 1 pick, Rice had 87 yards for 3.8 per


Questions Four Sunday...

How will Baltimore score/control the ball?

Flacco doesn’t get sacked and Rice is terrific - they never go backwards

When’s the last time the Ravens controlled the ball w/ first downs in a game?

Mark Anderson had 10 sacks for NE? you cannot be serious

no weather Sunday - doesn't help or hurt either team

Koch for Ravens is best punter in football

Kundiff? Sucks. Potential choke job. We got the best kicker in football, men. If it comes down to a field goal battle, NE wins. Right, kid?

Everyone on the Browns roster can fucking play and is fucking starving. Every one. Know who to thank, Baltimore? The Bear

Heisman the Smokey's long "run" this year was 28 yards. The dude can still play. You ever see a more perfect football body? Dude was and is a legend

Ray Lewis is one of the ten best football players to ever walk the planet. Send him back to Boca in style

Terrell Suggs is still stupid. Get him off and we'll get a free 15. Dude gets rolling, though, and watch out

The Ravens are YOUNG except for Ray and Suggs. Watch out if it's close in the fourth

Yes, Even Him

Anthony Davis is walking amongst giants right now. How he responds over the rest of the season and predraft will show us a lot. He is walking amongst giants. Hakeem, Tim Duncan, Patrick. Even Robinson in college (hell, yeah: watch how David brought some borderline midmajor talent to a couple of deep tourney runs way back).

Russell

He is walking amongst giants and they are watching him very closely

Two words: Chris Washburn

Two words: William Bedford

Two words: Roy Tarpley

Two words: Bill Walton

Good luck, kid

Chris Herroin...Herron

ESPN's "Unguarded" is an awesome doc on Fall Riva's Chris Herroin...I mean, Chris Herron.

Chris is the second leading scorer at one of Mass's best high basketball programs, I believe, and is the most talented baller ever out of the state (you don't count, Ewing). But drugs took it all away.

I wonder: Would Chris have rather had a 12 year NBA career than the life he has now? Not easy to say, I'll bet. He is doing more good now with his public speaking than if he had made many, many millions playing ball. Kids need to know what is out there for them in the world.

If you're an addict, you're an addict. But Herron's message, or at least my take on it is: Ask for help. There are no secrets in the world anymore. It's OK to say, "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing!" If fact, it's mandatory. I do it all the time.

It Could Happen. Or I Could Be Completely Wrong About This.

I can see it: 2018
Four or five more banners up there alongside 2011

Why?

The B's have the best goaltender tandem in the NHL
A smart coach and terrific management
A core group of hungry players that includes "The 500 Pound Line"
And just about the entire rest of the roster

Most teams that win championships win just one
Or have a run of three or more
They either believe the hype and take summers off
Or work even harder

The B's chose to work ever fucking harder
The league is paying the price for that desire
And we'll reap the benefits of their play

Tell me that's not true

Tim Tebow: Wanted Dead or Alive by Foxborough Police

UPI - January 15, 2012, 4:04am

The Foxboro police department arrested a drunken and naked Tim Tebow early this morning in town. Tebow reportedly was flagging down cars in the ....passing lane of Route 1 just outside of Tom Brady Stadium, wearing no pants and offering a can of O'Douls to each and every motorist on the highway. Foxboro police are claiming Tebow resisted arrest and had to be tazed, bro. Twice. Following the first "completion", Tebow yelled, "Hit me again! Please, sweet Jesus, hit me again coppers!" So they did. When asked by the police how he could get so fucking hammered on just O'Douls, Tebow reportedly replied, "It's been a long mutherfucking time, pig! Now get me a muffin!"

Twits

Long way to go

This is Tebow

Didn't you guys watch the other game?

Long way to go

Too Much

4 lead changes in the last ten minutes or so? Joke. Bring on Ground Jesus

Manufactured drama. Bullshit. Fuck you and your fantasy team. I wanted to watch football and a slow pitch softball game has broken out. Joke

Hey Timmy?

You likkee?

SI: Hard Core

OMG They let these fucking losers give out food stamps? Fuck them!

What?

Basketball Math

One player does not make a team. Two can be good. You got three goodin', you got a team. Four or five, you might have problems.

One ball. Five guys. It's a math problem, sort of. If no one wants to shoot, you got problems. If 4 or 5 want to shoot every time they touch it, that's a problem. One guy shooting the ball every time she touches it can really fuck things up, even for good teams.

UNC freshman role player Harrison Barnes, was a case in point today in one of the most embarrassing losses in Deputy Dog's storied career. Barnes showed what he was made of: 27 minutes, 13 shots, missed 3 free throws, and had 5 turnovers and 0 assists. That's Terry Duerod's line in his career playing with Larry. You think Duerod got his own clothing line, Barnes? You ever heard of Terry fucking Duerod? You get my point.

Stay in school another year. Work hard this summer, not playing, but on skills like P-A-S-S-I-N-G the fucking ball. Terrance Williams and that albino from Butler are gonna have a better careers than you. Because they can pass and you can't.

Deal with it. And learn Russian.

Pineda to Yanks? Stinks

Pineda is a horse, a star, right now.

Montero? He supposedly can't be put on the field as a catcher, so he'll wind up at a corner. Much less valuable.

The whole thing stinks, but then, baseball has been pretty screwed up lately.

I'm not mad the Yankees are getting better, I'm mad at the M's for giving up one of the most valuable commodities in the game for a future 80 rbi corner man. Not equal value. Not equal value at all.

This trade stinks. Maybe the commish should investigate.

What?

Broncos vs Pats - 8 to 11pm

You'll be so fucking sad when it's over, win or lose

You'll be so fucking sore on Sunday morning, win or lose

You'll be cold tonight. Really fucking cold. Win or lose

You'll get booed. Both teams. No matter what

You'll get hit hard. Playoff football is different. This is what kids dream about, the pain you'll suffer tonight

Win or lose, you'll remember every play

The nation is watching tonight. It might be the highest rated playoff game ever, or at least among them. Tim is special. So are we

Pain is not an option. There will be pain. I promise you that

But birthing a baby takes a lot of fucking pain, men. Ask your Mom how much it hurt when she had you. It hurt a lot

3 hours tonight. 3 hours next Sunday. Get Bill to the Super Bowl and he'll win it for you guys. But you gotta get there first. Tim is in the way. Tim is in trouble

Go for it

6 Hours of Pain - Gimmee

My Take - Bill has his men making theirs, to be delivered at about 630pm. Theirs is better. Mine is for you.

==================

"Press Hop" - Still funny, I hope

Audio of George C. Scott's "Patton" speech. A little goes a long way

Archie

do it for Moss He didn't get a ring, but man, that dude was incredible.

This is why you play. You play for all of us. It's a privelege

College Football Payoff....I Mean Playoff

The NCAA is floating a 4 team playoff for a few years from now. Easy as pie to schedule

Just move up the NFL 2 round from 4/8 east coast time to 1/4 and play the two college games that night. Same time? That'd be awesome. Stagger start by half an hour? Cool!

The title game would be on the next Monday. Now that's exciting!

Bout time

The Fate of the Nation

March 10th. Staples Center. Pac 12 Men's Championship. UCLA vs Oregon State. It will be a war.

Ben vs Craig. City vs "Country". Good vs evil. Us vs Them. How many licks can we get in on Robinson before that dude from The O.C. with the "guns" breaks it up?

Both teams know that if they lose, there's no Big Dance. Scored tied at 66-66 with .6 seconds left. UCLA ball. Josh "305" Smith alley oops inbounds to Wear twins, who execute first "4 Handed Dunk" in basketball history to win it for Bruins. Celebrate! Ben dances across court. Pulls a Harbaugh on Craig. Craig gets mad, slaps Ben open palmed! Reggie sees this, comes down from the 4th row and tackles Craig. Get some, Reg! Gary Payton and A.C. Green come to Craig's defense, jump on Reg. Get some! Walton pulls his wheelchair away from handicapped seating, joins fray. Slowly. Runs wheels over Lonnie Shelton's big feet. Shelton and his fat ass son beat Walton, Beaver style. (Bill: ever read "Continental Drift"?)

Phil Knight runs around court with a happy look on his face. Oregon Duck mascot trampolines onto court, runs to Beaver mascot, offers her a beer. Pulls off headgear. Joey! Harrington. Oh. Shit. Back to the brawl. Kareem remains in stands, looking for Benson. Cheryl tries to interview Ben: "How's the fight going, coach?" Cancer Boy calls UCLA AD: "Can I have my job back now?"

Cue Rocky music. Lights pan to corner of arena, where a large, muscular black man strides confidently out of bowels of Staples. It's Barry! In a Creed outfit! Throwing $2 dollar bills to crowd as he is rowed onto court by some Fucking Dukies, Barry is here. All is swell. All is swell.

Thunderlips Obama will stop this slap and tickle fight if it's the last thing he ever does as President. Directs Secret Service to arrest Sam Gilbert for graft. (What?) Orders LAPD to stop fucking black guys over. Writes a balanced budget amendment as he is giving directions. Throws a haymaker to take out Pooh.

Cuba Gooding Jr. and Ice Cube enter fray. Jon turns to Vince in stands, "I've seen this movie before." Vince" Are they going to shoot one of us now?" Magic and Jamaal run out of midcourt entrance, pulling up underwear and pulling on their ts. "Did we miss it?" Penny yawns, has another bite of popcorn.

Barry steps to PA announcer, grabs mic. "We're all mutants. We're all deranged. We're all niggers. We're all micks. We're all getting our asses kicked by the Chinks and the dot heads. I'm on my 3rd chief of staff in 3 years. The world is fucked up, but it has always been that way. You think Lincoln looked that way because he was brave? No, he was terrified. So am I. So let's get back to work and get this country headed in the right direction again. Joe, can I have the keys?"

The Game

Timmy's first weather game, first playoff game. Exciting!

Pats have lost 3 playoff games in a row.

It will be fucking cold but dry. Very windy, if you believe the weather reporters. That means, likely, no long field goals, some kickoff returns, short routes on passes.

Gronk and Aaron have possibly been the best TE tandem in football history this year, and the coaching staff will probably use them a lot. I don't know how well Denver rushes the passer aside from the rook, but protection for Tom is always key. I don't think the weather will change the play calling for NE much, but Tim can't make those long throws the Broncos like. I don't think, anyway. NE wind is a bitch. The punters have to figure a way to cut the wind and go for 40 yarders, not 50.

This game is a test for Tim. Not a midterm or final, but an entrance exam. If he passes by playing well, he'll go on to a career that will likely get him some Super Bowl rings and maybe a place in Canton. Pull a Flacco and he'll have a nice career, win some playoff games, and play in the Pro Bowl a lot.

You Can't Kill The Brett

AP - Indianaplis, IN

The Indianapolis Colts announced this morning that Brett Favre has been signed by the team to serve as third string quarterback on next year's 6-10 team. Favre, when reached on his lawnmower out back, had this to say, "I figured, 'Fuck it, dude. I'm broke, bored, and ready to play some ball. Indy? They suck, but I don't have a damn thing better to do with myself.'" Jim Irsay tweeted "Bret Favvra whill help out us Big thyme next seasson."

Stay classy, Peyton and Andrew!

Aussie Open

Ladies (and gents), start your engines!

The Australian Open starts Sunday or Monday. I'm not sure. It's half a world away. What time is it in Australia? I have no idea.

But I'll be watching. And listening. And doing my thing while you play.

PC. UConn. UConn. PC.

Providence College is the sleeping giant of college hoops.

Tradition, a great fan base, decent arena, cool ass unis, no other teams to compete with in a fairly wealthy state. Tell me a great 15 year run is not possible for Coach Ed Cooley and the Friars.

A great couple of recruits next season, everyone back, players playing hard this year, competing for their coach: good signs. The crowds are into it and can feel something big coming. Just like Coach Jim Calhoun's first great UConn team way back, with The Dove and the rest.

Get excited Providence.

Billy The Fat Kid

Do you suck? Are you fat? Then hire Coach Rick Pitino to kick your ass into shape.

It happened to Billy Donovan. He scored about a hundred points his first two years at Providence. Coach Pitino got the job and KICKED HIS ASS and the fat white boy got bad. Bad, man.

Took Providence to their second Final Four in school history. Success can happen to you to, as long as you have $5m to hire Rick and Ricky Jr. And the guts to ask for direction from someone who knows.

----------------------

There is no way to give 100% in this life. No way. There's always another way to look at things, another five minutes to give your workout, another possible solution to a problem. The next time I hear an athlete say he gave 100% I'm gonna get pissed. It's just not possible. Giving 99% is good enough. Leaves room for improvement.

One For The ......

Kobe had one of his best games ever last night, scoring 48 versus the Suns and shutting down Jared Dudley and Grant. Wow. Shows you what is possible when you spend 50,000 hours honing your craft and have a father who could ball. That's incredible but true.

Full Bore Plus Dean

ESPN seems to have one Token Terrible on hand for college basketball season. Vitale has given way to one of my favorite players at IU under Coach Knight, Dan Dakich. He couldn't run, couldn't pass, couldn't jump, and can't announce (but he could play).

Here's the future of college basketball announcing at the nationwide leader...

================

Jon Gruden - While teams stand at free throw line: "Don't just stand there, men. Hit somebody, you faggots! Are we on the air?"


Charlie Coles - No one has ever died while broadcasting a sporting event. Charlie, let's make history!


Matt Doherty - Reviewing the Clemson cheerleaders, "Nice bums! Faces? U-glee. But nice bums. Are we on the air?"
(Doherty will become the first color man to start a bench clearing brawl in D1. D2? Happens every week.)


Diana Taurasi - Queen Snark, she puts the itchy in bitchy. Good player, I guess, but not a communicator. How'd she graduate from a four year school? Oh, yeah. Storrs.


Rickey - "bleep bleep bleep check bleep bleep cash money bleep bleep"


Coach Smith - At the ESPYs, Coach Smith is given a lifetime achievement award by his good friend, Rick Barnes. Here's the speech:

"First off, thanks Coach Barnes. You're not as big a turd as I thought you were for the last 20 years. I appreciate your good works. Thanks to my former players and fellow coaches for making tonight necessary. I'll set you up with those promised no show jobs next week. I see my good friend, Coach John Wooden in the audience tonight. Hi Coach. Hows Nell? She died? When? No one told me that. Roy? Are you on this or not? Eddie?

Anyway, thanks to James and Walter and Phil and Eddie and Bill and Billy and Pat and Jeff and Buzz and Michael and Larry and John and Doug and Tommy and Mitch and Sam and Joe and Brad and Bobby and George and Mike and Al and Kenny and Dudley and Hubert and Vince and Antawn and Charlie and Bob and Eric and Derrick and Donald and JR and Jerry and Rasheed and the rest of my Carolina basketball family whom I'm too liquored up to remember . You've made my life a special one, for which I am grateful. And a special thanks to Chris Webber for not paying attention to Coach Fisher. You made my day. Now, a lot of you think I've caught a tough break. That might be true, but to spend those days, weeks, months, years with you has given me riches beyond what I could have ever dreamed of. When I was a boy the game of basketball was young. Now, I am old and dying, and I want to say to you all: Take care of my sport. It has been my life since I was a child and I love it with all my heart. It's your turn to take the reins."

Compuder

writeup of UConn's win over WVU

Is it me or is the writing at ESPN.com getting worse than ever?

Miami U Sports

Men's Football - Coach Tread is gonna do just fine. The program is in good hands

Men's Basketball - A fight for next year's top job amongst the assistants makes for a bad, bad team. Does Wally have a fifth season in him?

Men's Ice Hockey - WTF? You make tradition every year

Baseball - Looks good. Schmidt's ball ever been found? Doubt it

Women's Basketball - Courtney Hottie Osborn is the leader of this team. Wow

Field Hockey - In good hands

Women's Soccer - Looks good

Softball - You kiddin' me?

Women's Volleyball - Bunch of hotties, as always

Women's Track and Field - Not sure. No upperclassmen --> worrisome but could be good sign, too


Mens' and Women's Swimming and Diving - You kiddin' me?

/////////////////////

Athletic Director Brad Bates has a really, really tough job due to the consolidation of college football and the resulting drain on the mid majors in the MAC. Fans don't want to attend Yager to see us beat the snot out of the Bobcats every year. ESPN wants programming during the week. MAC agrees to play during school week. Basically, stands are empty. Makes for a dull, dull game. On TV, too. But remember: ESPN needs programming and lots of folks want to watch football after work. What to do? I don't know. But I know looking at two MAC schools play their guts out in front of a hundred fans sucks in every fucking way. Not sustainable, methinks. There is no known answer, but this cannot continue or pee wee and high school football will die everywhere but in Florida and Texas. When is the last time an All Pro grew up in Ohio? That's right. Big Man, 15 years ago.

Congratulations! You Just Got Drafted, Maggot!

NBA Draft is jusssssst around the corner, so...

First Pick

I discussed it already so don't ask again until the end of the season. And remember, Johnnie Wall, I know everything about basketball

Second Tier

Big Ass Sullinger - Good to great pro. Nothings different from last season except this fine young man is a year smarter. I'd take him on my team in a second

Michael Kidd-Gilchrist - A pro's pro. I saw an interview with him at UK's media day and KNEW he was gonna be good. Has the look of an NBA star. I don't care about the fucked up j or the too big muscles. I'd take him in a second

John Henson - Is he 6 10 or 6 7? That measurement will matter pre-draft. If he's 6 10 he can be top 5. Shorter and he may slide. Can play some really, really good defense. A true shot blocker, not a shot swatter. Good team guy and nice kid. I want him

Austin - Just what the fuck is going on with the most hyped guard since, who, Robo-Guard? He has been decent but can't even make a free throw. Is he lost, not that good, overwhelmed, or just waiting for his chance like Brandon Knight? I don't know either. Wait and see how he responds to conference play

Cody Zeller - Could be good. His head is my question. Weird family: All 3 brothers D1 in the same sport? That's not good in my mind. But this kid is a worker and serious about his job. Already an NBA player

Third Tier

Terrance Jones - Talented but troubled. Could be Matrix 4, could be a washout. He's in the right place and I'll say it right here: TJ, you should come back for a third year with Coach Cal

Jeremy Lamb - Ready for the NBA. A killer. NBA game, like Kobe's a bit. Gonna score a lot of points but is he gonna have any fun? I'm rooting hard for this good kid and his family

Harrison Barnes - Same old shit. Just a jump shooter and ball stopper. Hasn't gotten any better. I would not touch him no matter where my team was picking. Andre Blatche II.

Bradley Beal - Has a pretty j. Is he athletic enough? Big enough to guard the other 2s? Playing at the right school, as there's only one ball in the NBA, too. If he can dominate that team he can be the best player in the NBA on whomever and make a shitload

Thomas Robinson - Height, again. Is he 6 8, which is fine, or is he 6 5? Plays the game the right way. I love watching Thomas Robinson play, but does his game translate? He is a 4. Can't handle or pass well enough on the perimater to play 3 at the next level. Probably not a star

Perry Jones III - The hype was right. Very skilled. But no passion, so no chance to make $100m. I might take him at the right price and if he was only asked to play 15 minutes a night, but not a star. He lost money by staying, but that may not be a bad thing for Perry

John Jenkins - Me likee. This kid might never be a starter in the NBA, but man, he is pure basketball player. Looks mighty white from here.

Meyers Leonard - I saw the Illini for the first time a few weeks ago and it took maybe one and a half minutes to notice this center. The other team was fucking with him, a sign of respect. And he was playing his ass off. Centers aren't the primary weapon in basketball anymore, or at least for 20 years. But Meyers Leonard is fun to watch

Third Tier

Tyler Zeller - Nice game but doesn't always play hard. Pass, as guys like this with skill but who aren't committed are a dime a dozen

Plumlee Inc - No idea if they'll blossom after getting picked. They are workers, respectful and good people. But they aren't skilled and make the same mistakes now as when they got to school. I simply don't know


Fifth Tier

Henry Sims - Jumped out at me in the first Hoya game I saw this year. There's a reason those no names have a great record, and I'll bet Sims has a lot to do with it. Does he speak French?

Ryan Boatright - Do you remember Eric Bledsoe, kid?

Guys Who I Haven't Seen And Want To

Terrance Ross
Arnett Moultrie
Tony Wroten
and
Rodney Hood!

D1: Don't Transfer. Stick It Out.

Joe Flacco and Joe Kleine. Thas' it.

The only transfers I can think in the history of football and basketball to have good pro careers.

There are probably a few others but, man, not being a top 10 pick in either draft isn't the worst thing you can do.

Quitting on your teammates and your school is.

NBA Number One: Anthony Davis or Andre Drummond?

Anthony: Tim Duncan body. Dre: Shaq body (look at video of Shaquille's freshman year with Dale Brown at LSU)

Anthony: Skilled beyond belief in big man stuff. Dre: Better skills than Anthony

Anthony: Intensity off the charts. Dre: Chart his intensity and you find it lacking

Anthony: Came out of nowhere. Dre: National name since he was in middle school, and its affected him. He doesn't know who to trust since everybody he knows wants a piece. Dre? Jim is your man, man. You may even want a second year (Shaq played THREE for Dale and benefitted and still benefits)

Anthony: Blocks shots like no one I've seen in college since Timmy down at Wake. Dre: A man among boys out there last night for Coach Calhoun. Made any play he wanted to, but how many did he want to make? Dre, you played a great game but not your best game

Anthony: Responds to challenges with passion and fire. A good kid, really fucking good kid. Dre: I don't know how bad he wants it, honestly. Dre is bigger and stronger, impossible to move, and has the biggest fucking feet since O'Neal (which means he may add two inches and 40 pounds no problem)

Anthony: Is he as good as he's ever gonna be? If he is, is that worth the number one pick over Mountain of a Man Dre? I don't know.

I think I'd take Anthony Davis with the first pick, but then I'm a wildcat, not a dog

In The History Of Football

Last night saw the greatest collection of talent in the history of the game playing in the Sugar Bowl.

Seriously, there may have been 40 plus first rounders on the field last night. That's more talent than has ever played in a Super Bowl. For real.

Not much of a game, but historic nonetheless. Is it healthy for college football to have every 5 star recruit attend an SEC school? I don't think so. Come on, Irish, Trojans, Bucks, and the rest. Game on, man. Is this the future of college sports? One conference winning the national title every year? That can't be good. But I've been wrong plenty before.

Looka here

Good local paper in need of readers. Free to you, worth money to them

Learn a little bit about Russia. I mean Maine.

Believe

The Broncos, with that quarterback, can win the whole fucking thing

Commissioner Dave Is Very Happy With You Guys

The Big East is incredible this year. Just incredible. For the very last time.

Top to bottom, the best conference in the history of D1, methinks.

Top Slot

'Cuse A slew of really good players. I think Fab is even getting it. When is Christmas going to show up? Maybe, if he's not there in mid January, I was wrong about him. Everyone else is good. Are they good enough to win 6? I don't think so, but I'm wrong a lot.

UConn I think this team can win it again, most def. Most def. Really good players everywhere and a young Chris Webber playalike in Dre. Just hope Dre is a smarter player than Chris. Remember how many fucking timeouts ya got, Dre. Seriously. Everyone on this team, I like watching. What's up with Roscoe? Why isn't he better? He's got everything.

Second Tier

Louisville Similar to Boeheim's squad in that they are really good everywhere but with no lottery picks. I like the way the freshman plays. He plays hard and well. They're good. A potential Final Four team, without question.

Hoyas Everyone wants to know how good the Hoyas really are. I don't know either, but I know Coach Little John knows offense and defense. His teams score the fucking ball always and always play hard and together. I guess beating up a thousand chinks does a body good. Count me in next time, Coach.

Third Tier

WVU Coach Bob always has serious talent. How many 6 8 mutherfuckers can go to one school? This team is good, not great. Look out tonight in Hartford. It might be signal of how good the Mountaineers really are.

Pitt Choke Artist U is falling apart early this year. Bunch of pussies, like most black dudes.

UC More brawls in sports, less gunplay. A good punch in the (now broken) nose does a boy good. UC is always good, since McClendon left town and Huggins arrived from Akron. No Final Four for Cincinnati Mick, but they can play and win some games.

Seton Hall I haven't seen these guys play yet, but I KNOW they are good offensively. They always are. Do they extend themselves in their own end? Do they? Will they? That's always the question at Seton Hall. Cool unis.

Golden Domers Bunch of no-names. Got rid of the kid with zits, apparently. I would have pulled his boat, too. Fucker was gross. Bad for Digger's image, which matters to Digger and no one else. Coach Mike Brey always wins 20. Not 25. 20. This year, too.

Johnnies Cancer not good for basketball coach. Apparently. Dying? Good career move for actors. But cancer not so much for anyone. Ask Andy Kaufman.

Marquette Good unis. Used to be GREAT in Al's time. Did you guys know D-Wade was a recruiting afterthought, basically? It can happen to anyone, men. Anyone. I haven't given up on you, Vander Blue. Those recruiting services are never wrong. Right, Avery?

Fourth Tier

Rutgers at home The Scarlet Knights always beat someone good at that pissy old gym. This year is no exception. But NJ fans are great. Win on the road in a hostile place and I'll be impressed. Same old Rutgers, no matter who coaches. And remember, "Fast" Eddie was sarcasm. Dude was 3/4 Anglo.

Nova when Jay is Wright What has happened to the Cats? What happened to this school? I thought Coach Jay was gonna pull a UCLA and get to three FFs in a row or some such. He pulled a UCLA alright.

Fifth Tier

USF I know nothing about this shithole. But they beat some good teams every year. A football school in a football state.

DePaul Dallas Comegys U could be good again, but kids are on to Oliver. No matter how much he makes, he ain't recruiting Chicago AAU. No way, no how. How do you recruit Chicago AAU? No idea. Ask Lou Do.

Providence this year Look out world. They finally hired a black dude to coach somewhere other than the nation's capital. Howz that workin' out fer ya? Good. Good.

Rutgers on the road They suck on the road. Why? No fine New jersey cuisine in Boston or Manhattan or DC. Yeah.

Big Games

First, Huggins at Calhoun in the Hartford Civic Center. 7pm, ESPN, Cool.

Drummond? I'm gonna be watching every single fucking move, man. When you take a piss prior to the game, think of Joe watching you. When you tie your drawstrings in the fucking locker room (think about it) I want you to imagine me staring you down like I stare down bad guys up here in Maine. When the ref fucks up the center jump and you lose it to some Deliverance dude, think of your bro Joe getting angry at you. When you miss your first dunk attempt on Nap's alley oop, think of me and the ENTIRE NBA laughing at how bad you suck, boy. We're all watching you tonight, Dre. Believe it. Number One Pick in the WNBA.

Russian mobster league, here comes 'Dre!

Second, the New U plays 'Bama for all the marbles. Coach Miles? You better find some marbles prior to kickoff if you wanna win the rest of em back by midnight. Coach Saban? No advice. You know what you're doing, Coach.

I know Bama and LSU ("LSU") are gonna play hard. It comes down to quarterbacking. Jefferson versus the white kid. Whomever plays better wins the national title. Whomever throws two picks and maybe fumbles goes down in the history BOOKS as a choke artist on par with Major Harris and Mike Vick and Peyton and that ugly dude from The U (pick one). When you guys are old men twenty years from now, in wheelchairs and taking your diabetes meds, you'll be thinking about January 9th, 2012, 830 EST to midnight. The time is now to play hard. That's all I ask. Leave it on the field. From opening kickoff to the end of the game, just play hard. We'll be coaching you, so no worries. LSU and Bama staffs don't make many mistakes, so your job is to hit and be hit, run and tackle, and score 6s. That's your job. That's all. Do your job tonight and we're all winners.

SC, Too

What the fuck is it with Kevin O’Neil? How does he keep getting work? Who is he fucking? (USC, Zona, NBA teams) Man, what is going on in this here world? The man can’t win and his teams are boring to watch and I’ll bet he’s a dick, too.

They Got Minnesota, Too

The Timberwolves are a playoff team. No doubt about it. Rubio must be for real based on the numbers. They are just like Ok City was. Love is amazing. That’s a good roster, despite the poor drafting. Wesley at 2, Rubio at 1, Love and Derrick Williams up front, JJ Barea doing his thing eventually. Could be one of the better teams in the league this year, all of a sudden. It’s so awesome when a team turns it on like that.

Where is Jonny Flynn? What’s wrong with Martell Webster? I dare you to find that info out in 2 minutes, which was the whole fucking point of the internet, wasn’t it? Information at our fingertips? Bullshit. If I can’t find out the straight scoop on Jonny and Martell, what the fuck are we doing? This is insane. And I swear, the Celts played at Larry’s place Saturday night, but I’ll be damned if I can find out if that’s true.

29-23

That's the unique score of one of the greatest games ever played

Thanks, guys. You're thoroughbreds. No nags out there

You just made John feel like a kid again. And that's a very, very cool thing

Timmy

10 degrees, bro

What Up Chuck?

College B-Ball – Best Year in a long, long time


Big Ass Sullinger – 28 yesterday

Hoos won again

Cuse undefeated as always in early January. Wake me when they go into Storrs or Oakland or some nasty place. Number 1 on January 8 means dick

UK – Unfuckingbelievable. Just unfuckingbelievable. That Marquis Teague is unfuckingbelievable

Duke - Choke Austin. Please

Baylor – PJIII, just another lottery pick

BC – Worst BC team ever? Literally, ever?

Brittany Griner – what’d you do, win again? Despite the coach?

Rutgers fucks up another good team in Piscataway

Domers beat Pitino on road – really good win

Billy’s Kids lose to UT? Come on, man

Murray State – undefeated regular season? 80/20

Arkansas – to be ranked this week for Mike

Vandy held Auburn to 35. Vandy is a really good 5

Seton Hall – Back in rankings this week, hopefully. Nice town

Worst Redskins team ever? Yes. Fire the old man. Sorry, Coach Charlie but we in it to win it. Thank you sincerely

Think About It

Why...

...are the old Celtics, the champions of the late 50s and all through the 60s, doing so great today. Rich, in some cases, and happy in all that I know of...

...and so many former NFLers are homeless or close to it two or three years after the $50,000 paychecks stop being automatically deposited for them.

Why?

Coaching? Lack of father figures and trustworthy African-American leaders? Money? Fame? I don't know, but it's interesting. And important.

JoePa's Real Legacy

Is one of selfishness, power, and money.

Has "coach" called any of you guys to tell you to cool it on Penn State Head Football Coach Bill O'Brien? He hasn't? I'm not surprised.

It was always about power with Paterno. A little house near campus? Give me a fucking break. All for show. Paterno got off on power and bossing you guys around. And worse.

Tell me that's not true. Penn State has turned the corner. I wish you well, Bill.

Oh Hello...."Coach"

Bill O'Brien hired by Penn State. Why?

To protect JoePa's legacy, man. They want to lose.

If O'Brien wins big there, I'd be fucking shocked. But strange things have happened, so stay tuned.

/////////////////

Win 3 For The Retard

/////////////////

If you don't think that's funny, you're in the wrong business. Whatever business you're in.

Fucking Football

This weekend’s football games

Bengals at Texans – UVA to the rescue! First player ever to QB in a wheelchair, Matty Hoo goes deep to Dre Johnson to win the game

Lions at Saints – Now thas a ball game! Lions, shit forever, now good. Is that dude with the funny name gonna step on someone’s shit? Hope not. He’s good. Coach Schwartz will (prediction time) go at it with Sean (another wheelchair. Pussy!) at some fucking point tomorrow night. Umbrella time!

Falcons at Gints – Eli versus Matt. Fucking thrilling

Steelers vs Broncos – Are you kidding me? Two of the greats going at it, Mile High. I’ll be watching you boys. Play nice. Should be, seriously, a great game. A fucking football game. 10-7 or 14-3 or some shit. A real football game. We’re all rocky mountain high for this one. Good luck, Timmy and Ben. You always play to win

Ham, Turkey, or Chicken

Felger? ham

Curran? nice turkey. no, wait, ham

Ordway? ham

Ryan? ....turkey, lightly basted

Dennis? turkey, big time

Gerry? stale chicken

Jackie? used to be a ham, now a turkey

Tommy? you're joking, right?

Mike? not a chicken, without a doubt. some type of fruit, I think

the fat guy who "graduated" from BC? You're joking, right?

Remy? turkey. 5 pounder

Heidi? not sure. it's been so long since I...saw her. not a ham. kobe?

the Asian chick that left town a wayz back? turkey

Lobel? A fine whine

Newmy? white meat, most def.

Donny? never heard of him

Max? fucking ham well well done

Dave O'Brien? sweet ham. really good

Sean Grande? really good ham, too. pineapple?

Micheal Holley? more kobe meat

Butch from the Cape? fucking chicken. spicy

Danny? not a chicken. right, Sox?

Jack? chicken dressed up really, really nicely

Brick? brick

Mike Reiss? who?

Peter? Hall of Fame turkey, man

Simmons? You're still fucking with me after all we've been through?

Leigh? tasty ham. believe it

Metta Fuck You Up

What the NBA needs is a good brawl. Mutherfuckers is too chummy with each other. Fuck that shit. Get bad, man. You think Isiah and Magic ever hugged (or worse) pregame? Fuck no, they played balls to the wall. Full tilt, full time, mutherfucker!

I can see it now...

MIKE BROWN diagrams Metta's attack on Blake in the first Clips Fakers game at The Fabulous Forum. (what?)

Blake goes up for a layup, Metta collar bones him to the floor. Blake gets up. After a couple of minutes. Goes after Metta. Metta lays Blake the fuck out. Stands over him and spits on him. Me likee.

Steve Blake rushes ontu the scene: "All is well! All is well!" Mitch is on the phone, calling up dudes in the D-League: "Can you fight?" Jeanie gets excited. Jerry looks right, looks left, sighs. Chris Paul tries to act as The Peacemaker, fails. "Fuck it! Get some!" Lays Pau the fuck out. Good one, Chrissie! Caron hits Metta in the back of the head with a chair! Cheapshot, asshole! Go the fuck back to Africa, retard! Kobe? Bathroom emergency j-u-s-t before fight breaks out. Vinny takes his blade out, cuts some mutherfuckers bad, Springfield style. THEN all hell breaks loose. Dancing Fairy comes down from the Uecker seats. Leo gets excited. Steven is doing that weird hand thing that all "great" directors do. Chris Rock tells the guys he's sitting next to, "You ever wonder how fights like this start? They should put this fucking fight on layaway." Charlize cries out, "So THIS is what a basketball game is like! Me likee!" Arsenio heads for the exit, butt quick. Fights in the stands. Fights on the court. Fights in the luxury suites! It's like a Mel Brooks movie! Jack TAKES HIS SHADES OFF! Shades underneath! Penny eats another handful of popcorn, yawns. Garry tries to cheer her up. Denzel sneers. "I beat Ray Allen, children." Dyan Cannon looks lovely, as always. And is having a blast. Flea jumps on Blake, eye gouging and tit pulling. Flea bad! Dre runs off, goes to studio, finally finishes third song on his "new" album.

Way Back: Karch!

You think you bad? You ain't bad

Karch bad

Best athlete in the world for many years

For real

Watch Olympic volleyball in London and tell me those guys/gals ain't great

And the unis? Smoking

Mr. Celtic

UPI - Boston, MA - Press Release - January 5, 2012

The Boston Celtics announce this morning that Mr. Celtic, Tom Heinsohn, will become, on Thursday, April 26th of 2012, the oldest player in the history of the NBA.

Not the worst (Petro), but the oldest, at 77 years of age. Heinsohn's number 15 Celtics jersey, retired since October 15, 1966, will be brought down from the Garden rafters, laundered, lengthened, re-lengthened, re-re-lengthened, and worn by Tommy Gun himself in the Cs game that night against the Milwaukee Bucks, who are expected to ask Lew Alcinder ne Kareem Abdul-Jabber if he wants some, too.

The second coolest night in the history of the winningest organization in professional sports? You betcha!

We luv ya, Tom

The VERY Black NBA All Stars

2 MJ

Coach Tyrone Corbin

owner Manute

3 Kwame

1 Darren Collison – my man

4 Mike Brown? MIKE BROWN! No, current player. Ok. Ok. KG. for now

5 Not Hakeem. No. How about Patrick fucking Ewing? For real. No, retired. DeAndre Jordan

VaTech vs Michigan Men

Don't shoot me, either, you guys

Some thoughts on the AllState former Sugar Bowl...

Hokies have an NFL quarterback

Wolves don't (too many Ouch-ies)

Hokies hit hard and long. So do Wolves. Even

Hoke vs Head Hokie = even, I think. VaTech doesn't do so good in bowls, but neither does UM historically. Except when Tom is slingin' it

good matchup that I won't see (live). Too late. Here in Maine it gets dark at 415pm. What time does it get dark where you are?

High scoring? You betcha!

Winner? Who knows

Are they both gonna wear the Uglies or the Real Unis? Fucking faggots

NFL Rules Need Tweaking

Did you see the games on Sunday? Any of them?

That's not football. Not to me

The QB can't be the only player on the field

That's not football

If you have a Brady or a Peyton, you can and will win

Stuck with a bad one and you can't

That's not football

Down 21-0, then 49 straight points?

That's not football

//////////////////////

The Rams loss to the Pats in 2002 was the best Super Bowl ever

But afterwards the league changed the rules to allow receivers more freedom downfield

And this is the result

Did I tell you and your fantasy team to go fuck themselves yet? Sorry

This is not football

Note To DeMarcus

Everything is fine. You right where you're supposed to be. The Kings are a good organization, and you're in good hands. This is a test, just like you're doing to them. They'll pass it and so will you. You won't ever make the Hall of Fame, but the Hall of the Very Good is a special place. Not too many make it there. For real

I'm right there with you, brother

//////////////////

Edit 1/5/12: Paul fired. What did I tell ya, DeMarcus? Play some ball

Stick Figure, Too

Jabari Parker playing

///////////////

Turrible. Just turrible. You can't play the game the right way you should play baseball, kid

Has anyone told you how to dribble? How to get to the rim. Quick. Your AAU "coach" hasn't, obviously

I can see it now: Jabari Parker is the next Jarod Ward, except Ward could shoot a little

You want that?

Or do you want it want it

IU

All those banners up there
They never did what you've done:
Beat two teams that highly ranked

Hoosiers everywhere are rejoicing
Assembly Hall may be the second most important basketball palace in America
And you play there
For a while

It wasn't just Coach Knight
But Branch McCracken, Coach Everett Dean
and
Coach Davis, who got to a Monday night
(Don't watch video of that shitfest)

All those banners up there
Represent Gods/gods watching you
Play the game

Tim: Three Points

1) You bad, man. I mean, BAD. Really, bad, Timmy

2) We're all rooting for you

3) I luv ya, Timmy