Here's What Kris Humphries Can Do With His "$8" Million Dollars

1) 8 months rent in Jersey City @ $2,500 = $20K

2) personal chef for Tuesday brunch = $100 bucks. Groceries $35

3) Domino's on speed dial three nights a week, plus tip = $75

4) Taxes = $4 million

5) Alimony to Kris Jenner = $1.5 M

Kris don't read no fine print

6) Netflix Premium = $150

7) Wendy's drive through six times a week = $125. Plus tip of nothing = $125

Jus' make sure they don't spit on the food, Kris. They always fuck you on the drive through

8) Engagement ring for next ceremony = $3,000 at Zayles

8) Sneakers Budget = $250 per, 3 per week, 8 months in Jersey = $25,000

9) Clothes Budget = whenever PacSun has a sale, $2.000 per trip, 2 trips per month, 8 months = $32K

10) Adderall. 1,000 mg pill, $15 per, 2X day, 7 days a week, 8 months = $7.5K

11) Child Support = Nada

12) All Star Break Vacation in the Catskills with Knicks cheerleader = $5K

13) Agent Fee on "$8M" K? = $300K

14) NBA Pension Contribution = $75K

15) Build recording studio to record soundtrack for "Space Jam 2 The ReMix" = $1.75 M

16) Open "Kris's Hump Dump Restaurant and Carwash" in downtown Newark. Startup costs, legal, licensing, hiring = $275,000

17) Legal on closing of "Kris's Hump Dump" 6 weeks later = $50K

18) To Savings Account = $10,000

19) Groceries? Take that meal per diem and spend it at Whole Foods, mutherfucker

20) Utils? Are you kidding me? Would they dare cut off cable to a famous person like Kris fucking Humphries? No, they wouldn't

21) Health Insurance = Don't get sick, kid

22) Life Insurance? You're joking, right? Kris' is part black

23) Date Night = Nada

====================